Zoey's Surgery

This is Zoey, you've probably met her already.

Yet Another Year (Aug 2016)

     

    August 7th, 2014,  I realized that I was in the middle/at the end of a miscarriage. Two years ago.

 I have so many mixed emotions about this anniversary...

Grief, that we aren't holding our baby, celebrating her little life in our family.  Peace, knowing that her life had purpose in God's plan and that our pain isn't pointless as He works all things for good.  Hope, looking forward to meeting her in glory.  Trust, in God's sovereign plan for her life, as well as ours; Joy, in the faithful love of Jesus, that doesn't let go.  Gratitude, for the healing He has worked in my heart since last year, and for the rest He has brought me to in Himself.

  This miscarriage was devastating to me.
We had planned on 'starting a family right away', and had even joked about planning on having 7 kids in five years.  Since I was a little girl I've wanted to be a Mom, and still feel that is what I'm called to as my 'primary occupation'.

  So after 16 months of detailed charting, temperature tracking, counting days, and prenatal supplements... realizing that I had 'missed' all the signs and not realized there was life inside of me - was absolutely crushing.


 I believe that life starts at conception, that every life is created by God and so every life is precious.  And so it is our child's life that I want to be remembered,  the fact that she existed. Even though we didn't know it at the time - God did!  He planned her tiny existence to last only a few short weeks. He delighted in His creation. Her tiny heart beat solely for His Glory - and He took her home.

I can not imagine the joy that she experiences in the presence of her creator. Nor can I comprehend that the God of the universe "takes thought of me" - that He took thought of our child, even though I, her mother, was unaware of her very life... He knew her by name, called calls her by name.